Thankfully I did have one single friend my age that had never been married, had no kids, had been using Match.com for quite awhile and was ready, willing and ready to educate me about dating in the twenty first century.
At first I was leery but effortlessly learned that online dating afforded me the opportunity to pre-screen my competencies dates in the comfort of my home, without having to hire a babysitter and in my pajamas.win/win/win.
Honestly I could fill a book with the many appealing dating stories I have but the bottom line is I met my 2nd husband on Match.com. Weve frequently joked that we could be in one of the cheesy commercials – met October 2006, married August 2008.
From the online dating experiences of myself, friends and my new husband, I have come up with some online dating guidelines that Id like to share.
First, this is the most necessary step that no one ever tells you about work on yourself first before you look for a soul mate online or anywhere else for that matter. As a life coach I work with people on their goals and dreams, helping them to get clarity and to determine how to get what they want. The most necessary first step that I suggest to clients looking for a relationship is to make a catalogue of the qualities you are looking for in a mate; once the list is complete, go back over it to verify YOU either possess those qualities or are working on them yourself. Dont look for somebody to clear up your problems like financial security or low self esteem.
The reason I suggest this is that the biggest mistake people make is looking for somebody to complete them. I needed to learn to feel splendid about myself first, work on the areas I needed to work on and become the type of person Id like to date before I put up a profile on any online dating website because otherwise I might get caught in the trap of looking for outside validation. I needed to figure out who Dawn was at this stage of my life and then really like her.
The next step is to fill out your profile honestly. I stress the honestly because my husband and I met many people in person who lied on their online profile. Your profile describes characteristics about yourself such as age, body description, faith, income, etc. It also permits you space to describe yourself in more detail and what you are looking for in a date. Unfortunately, in my experience men lied about their height and age; in my husbands experience women lied about their body description and age.
My suggestion is to take time describing yourself. Then ask some fair, devoted friends to review what youve written as well as give you feedback about the category of person they would want you to satisfy. Its frequently appealing to get other peoples perspectives. Upload a recent flattering picture of yourself. Again I stress recent because my husband had various awkward dates where the woman was actually 15+ years older in person than her picture. Make your descriptions thoughtful and succinct then take the leap and post it. Youre on your way!
The next step is the pre-screening process for both ladies and men. The biggest mistake I made at first was thinking that each single person who wrote to me was the one. I learned to view each email with a cautiously optimistic approach and effortlessly learned what was a deal breaker for me and what caught my attention. From my friends personal experience I learned to take time emailing the person to see if there was a connection, then agree to talk on the phone to see if there was a excess connection, and then agree to satisfy in person for coffee or one drink. A brief one-on-one date is simplest because youre not trapped at a 2 hour dinner and this permits you enough time to bear in mind a longer 2nd date.
What I needed to feel was some category of connection in regards to sense of humor, intelligence, circle of relatives values, etc. I wanted to satisfy somebody who was also divorced and had children because I felt it would say a splendid deal about the category of man, husband, father, provider they are. If I felt a connection after the pre-screening process, I agreed to satisfy in person.
The last step that I found the most necessary was to lighten up and have fun with the whole thing. I have so many funny stories about people I met and dates that went wrong but I analyze all of them as lessons learned. A therapist once told me to analyze dating at first as a means to figure out what you DONT want in a companion. Once I began to have fun with it and get clear about what I didnt want, what I did want showed up.
My husband wrote a quick message to me initially, commenting on a picture I posted of a recent trip I had taken to Ireland. I looked at his picture (check), I looked at his status divorced with 2 kids (check), he was Irish and had been to Ireland (check), I looked at his description which was witty and sincere (check) but he lived most excess away from me than I wanted. I decided to write back because I figured the worst that could happen is I get to have a new friend to talk to about Ireland.
I took a chance on a new friendship and what I got as an alternative was a new husband..since August 2008.
I am a divorce recovery life coach empowering people to exploit their divorce as a catalyst for an amazing future.